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This Memorial Day, remember the families of the fallen too

May 24, 2025

Dallas Morning News

By: John McCaa

Thank goodness in today’s busy, politically charged America there remains a remnant who have not forgotten the fallen. It consists of a small band of citizens who take seriously the one day each year we set aside to focus on military members and first responders who gave their lives in service to the rest of us.

Their names, etched on stone markers, remind us that every breath we take has come at a cost. We will not forget them.

But what about those they left behind? Their spouses. Their children. The families of the fallen left to carry on alone.

Abraham Lincoln charged us 160 years ago with what we should do today. In his second inaugural address, 42 days before his own demise, he said we should never forget “him who shall have borne the battle,” but also care for “his widow, and his orphan.”

These days, we add to that the families of fallen first responders whose sacrifices are just as noble and whose suffering is just as great.

As enormous as that obligation may appear, it can in no way fully compensate the spouses and children of the men and women who lost their lives believing you and I worthy of protecting.

For those who were here at the time, the pain of their deaths remains fresh in our memory. Not so much the faces of their families, or the heartache that still pours daily into the lives of the four widows and 14 children they left behind.

Time might have dulled our shared horror over the tragic passings, but the relatives of every police officer, firefighter or member of the military who has died in our defense will never be able to entertain any such “closure.”

Quite frankly, I have always hated the word closure. There is no closure or setting aside the memories or “moving on” for those who remain. There is only learning to live with the loss.

Imagine their children’s holidays. While the rest of us gather to spread joy and celebrate, an empty chair graces their family tables. They have lost birthdays, anniversaries, late-night talks and the comfort of a familiar voice.

And yet each day in hushed quiet, they move forward with their enduring memories, their folded flags and their heavy hearts.

Saying thank you to a soldier in uniform or expressing appreciation to first responders is important, which is why we have set aside other days of the year to express to them our appreciation. But we should not ever forget the families of those who paid the highest price. We owe them more than words. We owe them action.

Gold Star families have, for decades, been eligible for special government assistance. Besides that, some within the ever-appreciative remnant have made it their personal mission to privately help.

I’m a proud board member and longtime supporter of the group Carry The Load. From its inception, its goal has been to restore the true meaning of Memorial Day, recognizing the men and women who died in service to our country and communities. Volunteers all over America visit national cemeteries to honor and remember fallen military members and first responders during the month of May. It culminates in Dallas on Memorial Day with people gathered to pay tribute to those brave men and women we have lost.

I believe Abraham Lincoln was right: We owe them. When our country or community called, no matter the day or the hour, their loved ones answered. Their sacrifice helped protect our homes and our families. Now it is our turn to serve them.

Giving back might involve financial donations, volunteering or reaching out to nearby families of those protectors we lost. Sometimes, just showing up matters most.

Honoring the fallen is not just about remembering the dead, it is about standing with the living.

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